Red Flag vs. Green Flag
One of the things during the day that make me smile (aside from my student’s progress), is looking at my engagement ring around my finger. It isn’t mainly because pretty to look at (though for me it really is), but it gives me a reminder that I made major decision in my life that I am completely sure. Four months into our engagement was fun, exciting and you could say a little bit crazy.
As I was thinking about the things that made me sure about Charles and reminding myself of my friends’ questions about my readiness for marriage and what made me sure that he is “the One”, I won’t give a cliche answer of “You just know.” Though at some extent I would believe that to be true, but that little statement “You just know” for me is comprised of green flags interconnected to lead me to my final answer. And so, to help others, I have come up with some of my major red flags and green flags in a relationship that may be helpful for ladies to arrive to a sound decision.
GREEN FLAG # 1 : You share the common core values
For me, faith was a big issue. It was important for me that my future husband shares the same beliefs, but not only that, it is important for me to be led in that area too. Men are called to be spiritual leaders of the household, and to spearhead the course of your relationship. I am always humbled and thankful that I have found a man who isn’t just in the same faith, but also someone who I know can lead me in that aspect. It is important to take note of other core values such as if you want to have kids, parenting style, finances, and other major values that might come into play.
RED FLAG # 1 : You argue with major core values
If faith is of importance to you, then do know that a spiritually weak man cannot lead you and you will end up leading him or be disappointed in what he cannot do. If he doesn’t want kids and you want to have one, if he has a different spending style with yours and he is unwilling to compromise, then it may be a red flag.
GREEN FLAG # 2 : He treats you with utmost respect
He acknowledges your opinion, he doesn’t belittle you with his words. He supports your dreams and listens to you even at your worst moments. I am admittedly a very emotional person. Sometimes, even the little things such as difficulty from work or a bad traffic situation can upset me. I am happy that Charles tirelessly listens to my rants and never uses words to bring me down disregard how I feel. He is honest when he needs to be, but he is gentle.
RED FLAG # 2: He is disrespectful
If he uses words for the sole purpose of mocking you in a bad way, bringing you down or to insult who you are, watch out! It is a red flag. If you’re asking for an apology and he doesn’t acknowledge that it was a mistake to show you disrespect, you really have to think twice about your relationship. He can also be disrespectful not just with you, but you can observe this with how he treats other women in his family.
GREEN FLAG # 3: Communicating with him is easy
Communication is the water that keeps your relationship blooming and alive. I can say that I was sure with Charles because I have observed how we communicate to one another. We talk easy, our humor matches up with each other, I can voice out my opinions without feeling judged, I can be transparent without feeling fear. I can talk about anything with him under the sun. He also makes it a point to talk to me whenever he can.
RED FLAG # 3: Talking to him feels like a chore
One of the things that I’ve been to is having a relationship that has very minimal communication. Because of this, we grew apart and I started to know him less and less. My friends and family also observed that our conversation was a bit “forced”, they somehow felt that I was trying too hard to match myself with his personality. We weren’t seeing eye to eye on a lot of our verbal and non-verbal communication. You also have to take note of this because when all the romance fades, you should remain friends with your future partner. Make sure that your partner can be your best friend.
GREEN FLAG # 4: He gets along with your friends and family
He doesn’t have to be ultra chummy with your brother or know a lot about your mom, dad or sister, but you can sense some positive vibes between them. See if your family and friends like him for you. When you invite him for a meal with your family, you can observe how he gets along with them. Charles gets along well with all my friends and family. I guess it helped that he is quite easygoing with people that’s why people can be comfortable around him, but as a general note, if he gets along well, then this is a good sign.
RED FLAG # 4: Your friends and family doesn’t approve of him
There are some exceptions to the rule, but if I go by general observations, you would see if he’s right for you when your friends and family are happy to see you together. When people feel blessed about your relationship, when they see you happy with him, they approve of it. But when they see that you’re always depressed, problematic, they will not turn a blind eye on the relationship like most of us do when we are still holding on.
These are some of my own red and green flags, but I’d like you to take it with a grain of salt. Ultimately, pray that God will lead you to make a right decision when it comes to a future spouse because making a choice about it can completely change your life, for the better or worse. God is sovereign and He desires for you to allow Him to lead you to His best.
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